Bogus Study: 9 Out Of 10 Americans Have Premarital Sex

The headline screams: Most Americans Have Had Premarital Sex.

The shocking information disclosed in the rest of this article claims more than 9 out of 10 Americans have had premarital sex. Further, this statistic includes women born in the 1940's. No mention is made of men born in the 1940's leading one to assume that either they've become chaste or dead.

But let's for just a sec go back to that "more than 9 out of 10 Americans" statement. Wouldn't "more than 9 out of 10" be better described as plain old 10? I mean since 10 can be assumed to be the high end of this equation, there's nowhere else for more than 9 to go except for 10. But to my way of thinking, the only purpose this kind of phrasing achieves is to let us know that more than 9 out of 10 Americans are humping like bunnies with free weekend tickets to one of those cheesy Love Hotels in the Poconos with the sunken bath tubs and the mirrors on every available surface. I guess that reads better than 10 out of 10 Americans are slutty.

The study that produced these results was conducted by Lawrence Finer from the Guttmacher Institute based in New York. Lawrence proved, to his own satisfaction if no one else's that:

"Premarital sex is normal behavior for the vast majority of Americans, and has been for decades."

Well, hold on for just a doggone minute Lawrence Finer, because I'm here to tell you that your study is flawed. Useless even.

The statement indicates that the sex in question is premarital sex. By definition, it's only premarital sex if one is planning to get married. Nowhere in the article did I notice any mention of the subjects being quizzed as to their marital status at the time of the alleged sexual contact. Which means that if the couple in question were not planning to be married at the time they humped, then whatever answer they gave was not applicable to this study. However, we are given to understand that their answers were included anyway based on the concept that if the subjects had sex while unmarried they fit the profile for this study. Yet the conclusion does not state anything about unmarried participants. The conclusion refers to premarital sex.

I have no idea who the mental giants are who authorize money be spent on idiotic studies like this one. Apparently the Guttmacher Institute disagrees with government suggestions of sex abstention, and they have addressed their differences by trying to show that people are gonna have sex no matter what, so stop with this stuff about staying chaste. I maintain that they have far from proved their position simply by the way they've posted their results.

I rest my case.