Is This The Party To Whom I Am Speaking?

I have an unlisted telephone number. I pay Verizon to have an unlisted number because I hate being on the telephone for longer than is necessary, and I had too many acquaintances who, with nothing better to do, called me and settled in for the duration. Which could run on for hours.

Now, with an unlisted number I only get calls from people from whom I want to hear. Well, that's not exactly true. I also get calls for people who used to have this phone number as well as very determined people (one in particular is named Mike) who will not stop bothering me about getting satellite television.

Other than Mike, I consistently get phone calls from bill collectors looking for Luisa and Luis A. I explain that this number no longer belongs to the A's; as a matter fact it has not been theirs for close to 2 years. But I still get calls. Apparently the A's owed huge bunches of suckers who were willing to lend them money.

The latest call I got about Luisa was from FNCB or some arrangement of those letters. FNCB does not personally call people to make their collections. They have a computer do it for them. So the message I keep getting goes something like this:

We are required by law to tell you that this call pertains to the collection of a debt.

We are calling Luisa A. If you are not Luisa A, please hang up the phone. If you are Luisa A, blah, blah, blah.

The first time I heard this message, I hung up because I am not Luisa A. In addition, I can follow verbal instructions very well.

The second time I got this call, which showed up as a long message on my answering machine, I realized that these morons were telling me to hang up if I'm not Luisa, but they have absolutely no idea once I do that whether Luisa ever got their message.
In spite of the fact that I followed their instructions, FNCB was now calling me daily. So I decided to call them and have them remove this number from their deadbeat file.

I called the number FBCN gave me, and not surprisingly was put on hold because all associates were busy with other customers. They remained busy for a good long time, too. I could have taken a shower, shaved my legs, given myself a manicure, and done a deep conditioning treatment on my hair in the time I sat waiting for my call to get through. Instead I sat there while a voice kept telling me every 15-30 seconds that my call is very important to them but they just can't get to me yet. Finally, FINALLY I was transferred to an associate's phone only to get the recorded message that the place of business was closed (I was calling well within the time frame of hours their business claimed to be open), so I should leave a voice mail message and they'd get back to me ASAP.

I immediately pointed out to their machine that what I most certainly did NOT want was for them to get back to me. In fact, I wanted them to never ever again get back to me at all. I explained how my phone number had no longer been available for use to the A's for nearly two years, so they may want to update their records. I also told them that their business procedures suck.

I haven't heard from FBNC again since my call, but I'm sure they won't be the last credit company I hear from on behalf of the A's. I believe those people must have had 47 credit cards all of which they maxed out and none of which they paid.

The main thing is, my phone is silent again, and that's a very good thing.