Dancing With The Stars: Dump Leachman NOW

I hate double standards. One of the Dee Esses I hate the most has to do with old people. Why is it that just because someone is 82 years old, she (this seems to apply to women more often than men) can do or say anything she likes and get away with it: even though if someone much younger did the same thing, she might just be kicked out of the human race because of it?

Since I was a child I knew this was the case and that it made no sense. I knew this because of a television show called Life Begins at 80. On this program, questions were posed to people over the age of 80, and they were supposed to come up with answers reflecting on how they got to be so old and so wise. What I really learned from watching the program is that if you are old, you can do or say anything you like, no matter how outrageous, and people will chuckle and talk about how you're "such a pistol". But if you're younger and say or do exactly the same thing, the response could be anything from washing your mouth out with soap to being kicked off a major social registry to having your career ruined forever. Times have not changed.

This is demonstrated by ABC's popular tv show Dancing With The Stars including Cloris Leachman in its new season lineup. Cloris cannot dance; from the clips we've seen from her rehearsals, Cloris can barely walk across the room without appearing unsteady. Cloris also never shuts up. Even when what she says makes no sense. And the really awful part about this is that some people on Dancing With The Stars actually encourage her.

During the first week of Dancing With The Stars, Cloris has:

• Called one judge a bastard and another judge a bitch
• Shoved her cleavage so far into one judge's face he was forced to ask her to kindly remove it.
• During her dance performance, Cloris appeared to be grabbing at her partner's crotch during one of her dance moves. Actually, I use the term 'dance moves' very loosely since Cloris was lying on the floor at the time, and her partner was dancing over the length of her prone body. I don't know what was going through Corky Ballas' mind, but I was deeply concerned for his crotch.
• Told people to vote for her because she's an orphan and then further commented that being an orphan is very sad.
• Generally been disruptive, disrespectful, and embarrassing.

Carrie Ann can laugh so hard she saturates her panties, but Cloris really isn't that funny. And the point isn't the humor. If Cloris were one of the younger women on this program, she'd never be permitted to get away with such behavior. Sarah Rogers of Showtracker reports that, "[Cloris] provides an element of unpredictability that the show sorely needs." I beg to differ with Sarah Rogers. Two people who performed better than Cloris could dance in her wildest dreams went home because she got more votes than they did. Neither of those who were eliminated would have won the competition, but Cloris doesn't have a snowball's chance in hell of doing anything remotely close to the dances assigned to her. Everyone else on the show manages to do at least that much, and the two who were eliminated shouldn't have gone home in place of her. It scares me that we could have another Sanjaya on our hands if that self-absorbed harridan continues to hang on by her gnarled fingertips and her garish makeup.

It should also be noted that not once in all the grandstanding Cloris used to flaunt herself has she ever said one word of thanks to her partner. Not once. It's all about Cloris. Well, Cloris on her own is a pretty scary prospect because she has no style, no grace, no elegance, no talent for dancing, zilch, nada, nothing. Corky Ballas dances in such a way as to make Cloris look good -- when that's even possible. Last night Corky was asked a question which Cloris rudely interrupted so she could talk. Corky called her "mouth", and said something about her answering for him. Poor Corky.

I say we put Corky and the rest of the DWTS fans out of their misery and send Cloris home. I know she will threaten not to leave, and we can only shudder at the invective she'll toss at those who didn't vote for her. But we can take it. Cloris Leachman is an annoying, self-involved, pathetic old woman. Someone really ought to stick a fork in the old biddy because she's done.